missed connections.

my roommate loves reading missed connections on craigslist. rarely a day passes that she doesn’t read it. and when she reads them aloud, i understand why. there are some [adjective] posts out there. Including

cheating fools
it’s a difficult read, the use of all caps is uninviting. but if a line like “I COULDN’T TAKE MY EYES OF UR BOOBS” makes you melt, maybe you can convince this illiterate yellin’ fool to give you two “CAN HAVE SOME FUN TOGETHER.”

and people who love cheating fools
if he’s cheating on his wife now– even if his “wife totally deserves everything we do because Im sure she has cheated on you like a thousand times……..” –he’ll probably cheat on you later.

freaks
who want to “lick you butt to drive that car!!”

people who didn’t understand the concept
but it’s really his pictures that steal the show.

poor saps who haven’t a clue
so i’ll try to help. if she did not ask for your number when you told her she was “fuckng fine and sexy,” she probably wasn’t interested.

screaming girls
who “not even drunk navy guys” were desperate enough to want.

cocky assholes and creepy couples
yes, it’s creepy as hell that they tried to pick you up, but did you have to tell them your life story in that “short conversation.”

perverts
who would “like to touch her snatch!”

very vague details
i’m sure there were hundreds of “Brunette[s] at TCC last Monday.. crossing the street, head[ing] toward TCC building.” i’m also sure most of them believe they look awesome!

people apologizing
i think. is it an apology or an insult when you say, “you pushed too hard and now are gone.”

sob stories
of two men who lost touch after one was “locked up.” and probably cheating on him.

desires to just suck you off
it’s all i can think about.